Accepting Last Chapter ..Part 2

In Part 1 I reviewed the changes in my mom.  Yes, we who still have our parents when we are in our 60's, are lucky........or are we?

They change.......they change..........they change............!

My mother became a recluse, had my step dad cover all the windows in their home with foam core - no daylight showed. She would sit under a lamp, in her recliner and work her word puzzles.  My step dad enjoyed watching old westerns and black and white movies.  Mom had him set the television so there was no sound, only the word captions.  Then that wasn't enough. She had him buy her a temporary partition that he would put up in front of her everyday so she couldn't see the tv.  

My father, on the other hand, is now 90.  He lost my step mom a year ago February.  They were never married but had so much fun for 42 years, or so I thought.  Towards the last year, my step mom often spoke of leaving.  We later found that she had been having small strokes.  She would get angry and say horrible things to dad then be fine.

I never expected my "daddy" to change.  I was his favorite, his pet, his tomboy who would go fishing with him, work on cars with him.  My brother was a wimp for so long and a mommy's boy.   I called dad everyday and if I missed he would track me down until he heard from me.  This went on for 20 yrs.  My brother would maybe call once a week.  

When I wanted to go see dad, I would ask my brother if he wanted to go but he always had an excuse and when he got out there to Arizona, he would have to get back.

After my step mom passed, I chose to stay and live with my dad for 7 mos. so dad would not drive.  He was legally blind but wouldn't admit it.  Dad became angry in his grieving process and took it out on me, a woman of 67 yrs. "Don't cross your legs, don't put your elbows on the table, don't step on the throw rug outside of the shower - you will get it wet - dry off in the shower, don't move anything in the refrigerator and put everything back where it belongs, fold the dish towels like mom did etc.  He would jerk his hand away when I reached to hold it.  Once, he thought I was putting my hand on his shoulder when we were out.  He jammed his elbow back hard thinking he was hitting me. It wasn't me but another person.   By the end of 7 months i was an emotional mess, and exhausted as I did all the packing of his 4 bedroom home, so dad could move across country.  My sibling didn't have time, and wouldn't come out to spell me so I could go home to see my husband.  

It took a couple of months with dad settling into his new home for me to tell him why I have refused to stay overnight and preferred to travel the two hours back home.  He admitted he treated me like s--t.  He apologized several times after that.  Our relationship got back to normal.  I loved dad so much and I finally had my "daddy" back.

Then a 6 mos after he had moved he became ill and almost died 3 times while in the hospital.  During his stay he was at various stages of consciousness.  When he was conscious but drugged he became that evil mean guy towards me again, calling me horrible names, ordering me around like a slave.  When my brother would enter the room, dad's arms were up and a smile on his face.  When I came in, he would ask why I was there.  He would hit my arm and order some water or changing the lights.  I knew it was his true thoughts.  It was like when a person has to much to drink the truth comes out...... and that is what dad was like.  Was it a stroke?  who knows.   But it was dimentia, his short term memory was failing, he was repeating himself.  

Now in the last chapter of his life, I have lost my dad.  My dad has some kind of unspoken hostility towads me or my past actions somewhere in my life.  He lies to me.  Tells me things are fine.  My trust has been broken.  

Do I just accept his change as a result of dimentia?  Is it fair that in the last chapter of his life his love for me has dimmed, my mother's love for me had dimmed?  

Is that fair? I have done nothing but try to be there and take care when needed.  And in the last chapter of their lives, they only remember their love of my brother, who has done nothing to help in any way in their time of need.  A year and a half of my life, sleeping in hospital chairs for a total of 6mos, running errands, handling their financial affairs?  Being the daughter who would be there for doctors appts, shopping, etc.   Dimentia took them, twisted their minds and I lost them.  Accepting the last chapters of their lives was so different that what I thought it would be.  I feel so alone, so abandoned.   

So prepare yourself, know that their minds change and you may lose them.  You may lose them as your loving wonderful parents.  And yet they will be there in front of you, needing your help, needing you.....and yet......you will be expected to perform and accept criticism like a hired maid.

Prepare yourself, Pray for acceptance and understanding.  Oh I understand........but my heart is so sore!  It is so broken.